


i've never seen so many stars

by breakingfiction



Category: My Candy Love
Genre: F/M, University Life, Will update later, farm au, some tags are secret for now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-08-24 08:03:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16636046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breakingfiction/pseuds/breakingfiction
Summary: a collection of writings of the same Candy, set on Lysanders farm





	1. The Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i shouldn't be in love with you"  
> Castiel POV

_She’s going to marry my best friend._  
  
He had asked her, only minutes ago.  
  
I knew he was going to do it, he had been a nervous wreck for days, asking me what to say, what to do, if I thought she’d say yes.  
  
Of course she’d say yes, he could count on it.   
  
What I wasn’t counting on is how much it would hurt.  
  
And  _god, did it hurt._  Like a hot  _fucking_  poker stabbing me in the chest.   
  
I came outside, desperate for a cigarette, but now that I’m here I can’t tear my eyes away from the sky. The night wind rolls over my skin, calming in its own way. I’ve never seen so many stars. It’s peaceful, here on the farm. The perfect place for her.  
  
She looked so beautiful when she said yes, wearing that dress, the same colour as the blush on her cheeks. Her hair, falling in cascading curls over her shoulders.   
  
I squeeze my eyes tight to rid the image from my mind. It’s easier to forget it. At least, I hope it will be.   
  
“Cas?”  
  
She steps onto the porch, the dim light on the wall illuminating her skin. The scent of her follows. I don’t know what it is, exactly, but it’s enough to drive me crazy.   
  
“Hey, little girl,” I force a smile on my lips. She doesn’t deserve to be put through this. It’s not her fault I’m an idiot with a twisted heart.   
  
“Are you okay?”  
  
“Just peachy. Congrats, by the way.”  
  
“Thanks,” she murmurs, fiddling with the ring that he had slipped onto her finger. I had even helped him pick it out.   
  
_My god, I’m a sadistic asshole._    
  
“I looked for you, after. You were gone.” Her voice is so sincere it sets my hair on end.   
  
“Yeah, just needed some space,” I lie. I’ve perfected the art of it by now. Not that it’s something I’m proud of.   
  
_“Cas…”_  She’s hesitant, I can see it in her eyes. Her perfect, almond eyes.  _God, I’m a fool for this girl.  
_  
“Lys will always be your best friend… this won’t change that.”  
  
I could almost laugh. She knows somethings up, but she’s got it all wrong. It’s not him that’s got my heart torn up.   
  
She lays a hand on my arm, and it’s so gentle, yet burns all at the same time. She moves her fingers up my arm, and I can feel myself breaking.  
  
“Cas,  _talk to me._ ”  
  
I take in a deep breath. It comes out uneven when I release it. She’s the only woman who’s been a constant in my life of uncertainty.  
  
And somewhere along the way, she became my best friend too.  
  
_“I can’t.”_  
  
It finally slips out. A sliver that proves that I’m not okay at all. She sees it, her eyebrows dipping.   
  
“Don’t mind me, Candy,” I run a thumb across my chin casually, trying to downplay the stupidity of my feelings for her. “I’m the idiot who fell for the wrong girl.”  
  
I watch as confusion twists her beautiful features, before the slap of realisation hits her.  
  
_“Castiel…”_  she breathes, and my stomach twists unpleasantly. I don’t want her pity. Hell, I didn’t even want her to know in the first place. I should’ve kept my big mouth shut.   
_  
“Look at me.”_  
  
I can’t. I grit my teeth against the bitterness rising up in me. It breaks my heart to know I’ll never see her look at me the way she looks at my best friend. And really, I don’t want her to. Lysander will give her the world. A stable home, everything she could ever want.  
  
But some small part of me, selfish and jealous, wishes she were all mine.  
  
Lys is the best man I know. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve his friendship. No.  _I know I don’t_. I wouldn’t have fallen for his girl if I did.   
  
It takes her fingers on my chin - so small, yet stronger then I expect - to turn my head to her. Still I don’t look. I pull out of her grasp, my head shaking from side to side, thoroughly pissed off at these feelings I can’t shake away with it.   
  
“I shouldn’t be in love with you.”  
  
The words hang in the air, until the silence stretches, and I can’t take it anymore. I’m about to run, the picture of a coward, until she stops me.  
  
“I know how you feel,” Her voice is small, but the words are enough to stun me.  
  
I see it then, when I finally look at her. I’m not so much of a fool as I thought I was.  _She feels it too.  
_  
“I love you too, Cas,” She admits, her eyes downcast. “I know it’s not fair. I shouldn’t feel this way either. But I… I can’t help it.”  
  
I pull her closer to me then, taking care to be gentle, raising a hand to run my thumb over her lower lip.  _Maybe I always knew._  Maybe that’s why she’s the one girl I could never forget.   
  
“I wish we could have time. In another life maybe, I don’t know.  _Fuck.”_  
  
I roll my eyes at myself, feeling stupid all of a sudden. Lysander is the poetic one, not me.  
  
“I just don’t want this to be the end.”  
  
_“It’s not.”_  
  
Her mouth is so perfect, her lips rosy pink and pouty. I just want them to be mine.  
  
“I’m happy for the two of you, don’t get me wrong…”  
  
_Fuck, I’m a mess._  
  
My arms are around her waist, her hands on my forearms. If anyone walked out right now we’d have some explaining to do. I can’t stop looking at her, I’m frozen in place.  
  
I’m too far gone.   
  
It doesn’t help that I always pick the groupies with the same hair, always take them from behind to satisfy these twisted fantasies I have of her. 

None of them can reach her level of perfection. 

I would never ask her to leave him. No matter how much my bones might scream out for it.  
  
“I should leave.” I say decisively. I shouldn’t be here, on a night like this, with these thoughts inside my head.  
  
I pull away, but her hands tighten on me, and when I turn back her eyes are so fervent that I can’t stop myself. 

I close the distance between us, my lips on hers. She’s still for a moment, until her mouth moves against mine, and  _fuck she tastes so sweet_. Like champagne and vanilla. Like everything I’d ever imagined it would be.  
  
It’s only a few seconds, and when she pulls back, I have to grit my teeth against the savage urge to kiss her again, to pull her tighter against me.  
  
“If you leave now, I’ll never forgive you,” she breathes, and the sound sends a chill running through me.  
  
She’s in my arms, and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Life is perfect, if only for a few, fleeting moments. She looks up at me, and I know I can do it.  _I can stay_. For her. For Lysander.   
  
My lips quirk, but I don’t say anything else. There’s nothing to say. We both know the boundaries. This conversation won’t happen again.   
  
“Come back inside. Rosa made cake,” she says with a grin, and I don’t know how it’s possible, but I love her even more.  
  
“I’ll just be another minute,” I say, letting her go. Her hand brushes mine before she leaves, the bare wisp of a touch, but it’s a promise.   
  
We’ll love each other as best we can. 


	2. The Farm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Candy POV

The night air breezes across my skin, ruffling the hair around my shoulders. There’s still the hint of winter chill lingering in the air, but it’s not enough to bother me.  
  
Especially not in this place.  
  
My legs swing back and forth, crossed at the ankle. This is my favorite place to sit and relax, the swinging love-seat on the porch, with nothing but fields and open sky in front of me.   
  
It’s easier to breathe out here on the farm. Easier to think too. Our days are filled with breezy mornings working amongst the animals and crops, soaking in the sunshine, and balmy afternoons spent on this very porch.  
  
Lysander works on his novel most days, while I paint, or sketch, or create anything my heart persuades me to. There’s a kind of freedom here that I’ve never felt before. We take inspiration from the simplest things. A pair of dreamers searching for beauty in the world around us.   
  
And there are  _so_  many beautiful things in this place. The garden out back, just starting to come alive with the arrival of spring, the scent of peonies and roses and jasmine drifting through the open windows each morning. The fireflies that dance over the pond every evening, eventually making way for the frogs who sing their nightly symphonies atop the lily-pads.   
  
The squeak of the front door turns my head, and Lysander steps onto the porch, a mug in each hand. His hair is shorter then it used to be, cut that way to keep the strands off his neck while he’s working. He hands one of the mugs to me and I take it gratefully, inhaling the scent of peppermint tea and breathing deeply.   
  
The seat swings when he sits down, and I giggle as he presses a kiss against my nose, and drapes a blanket around our shoulders with his free hand. He takes in a deep breath, releasing it in a quiet sigh as he stares out into the night, his mug balanced between his hands. I know what he thinks of on nights like these. How he misses his family, and his friends.   
  
His brother Leigh, and Rosalya visit us when they can, but they’re often busy - Rosa with her studies and Leigh with his shop. Castiel drops by whenever he’s in town, which brings a smile to Lysanders face that I’ve never seen anyone else manage, not even me. Lys is proud of him. We both are.   
  
I take a sip of warm tea and sneak a look at him over the rim of my mug. All sharp jaw and straight nose. He’s never looked so handsome in any other light then that of the stars. And there are many of those. His eyes are tired, as is the rest of him, I can tell. But there’s a happiness there. A quiet sense of peace.   
  
I bite down on my lip as I watch him. Sometimes it’s scary, how much I love him. And I know he feels it too. He’s known loss, and pain, and he’s ended up stronger because of it. He’s keeping his family’s dream alive, and that’s what keeps him going.   
  
“Do you miss the city?” He asks after a heartbeat, his voice soft, and my breath stumbles.  
  
I know that he’s afraid that this isn’t the life I wanted. That I might have had other plans that didn’t involve the open air, and this beautiful place, and  _him_. But the truth is that he is the  _only_  thing I’ve ever been sure about wanting.   
  
I take his hand in mine. It’s rough from the hard work, but still gentle. Always gentle. When he looks at me, I know the answer in my heart, most of all.   
   
“No. I have everything I need here.” I squeeze his hand gently, and he smiles in that way that leaves me breathless, even to this day.   
  
“And besides…” I curl up against him, my head on his shoulder and his lips against my hair as we watch the sky.   
  
“I’ve never seen so many stars.” 


	3. The Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Candy POV

“Candy, hurry up with those lights.”  
  
The looming doors of the barn are thrown wide open, and Rosalya stands in the entrance, ever the merciless dictator as she snaps her fingers and instructs me where to hang the last of the decorations   
  
I shake my head in amusement as I finish placing the lights over the rafters and descend the ladder, though I can hardly deny that she’s done a wonderful job. That  _we’ve_  done a wonderful job.  
  
The barn looks like a fairy tale. All industrial lighting, white linen and hay bales. Steel buckets of fragrant flowers line the walls, their sweet scent lingering in the air.   
  
Rosa gives a satisfied sigh as she waddles over to me, and I beam at her, feeling proud of our work.   
  
Her belly grows bigger each time I see her. Pretty soon they’ll be a miniature Leigh or Rosa arriving to terrorise us all. I think Lysander is looking forward to it more then anyone. It’s adorable, the way his eyes light up when he feels his niece or nephew kicking.   
  
“Wait til Lys sees this… he’s going to love it!” Rosa exclaims into the open space of the barn as we start to pack up the leftover supplies, and I hope to myself that that’ll be the case.   
  
Lysander never liked surprises, and I’ve always found it difficult to keep secrets from him. But I’m sure he’ll forgive us for this one once he sees how much work we’ve put into this party. And besides, it’s his birthday. He has no choice but to let us all throw him into the center of attention.   
  
We spend the next few hours cooking, baking, and putting the finishing touches into place. While Leigh has Lysander distracted elsewhere, guests start arriving, and soon the barn is full to the brim with familiar faces chatting and laughing, waiting for the birthday boys arrival.   
  
“You shouldn’t have,” He laughs when he arrives, his tone almost scolding. But his eyes tell a much different story - those green and gold irises lit up in obvious joy, and my heart unwinds at the sight.   
  
“We know you didn’t want to make a big fuss about your birthday, but… I love a chance to plan a good party!” Rosa says, and I choke down a laugh.   
  
“And besides, everyone was looking for an excuse to come and visit the farm,” I add, letting Lysander swing an arm around my waist and pull me into his warmth.   
  
“How dull my life would be without the two of you,” He teases Rosa and I, smiling in that way that makes my stomach flip.   
  
The party is well underway when I slip out for some air, pulling my wrap tighter around myself to ward off the November chill.   
  
The pond divides the barn from the house, and it’s always most beautiful in the early evenings, when the fireflies dance over the glassy surface. The crickets are singing in the fields, almost as loud as the music drifting out from the barn behind me, and the smell of fresh cut grass hangs in the air. My eyelids flutter closed as I listen to the sounds of the night, reveling in the peace of it all.   
  
“Hey, little girl,”  
  
His voice washes over me, as familiar as my favorite song. When I turn to Castiel, he’s giving me an apologetic, lop-sided grin, and something in my chest tightens.   
  
“ _I know_ , I know. I’m late…”  
  
I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off, shrugging casually as I stare at him in bewilderment. My stomach lurches as he steps towards me.   
  
“My flight was delayed.”   
  
To be honest, I never expected him to show up at all. I know how busy he’s been with his band. He looks pale, and I find myself worrying if he’s been eating enough. But then he scoops me into a hug, and I can’t stop the grin from spreading across my face. He smells like whiskey and rain. And despite his supposed lateness, I’m just happy he’s here.   
  
“Thank you for coming.” I whisper as he squeezes me tight.   
  
He releases his grip and winks at me. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m only in the middle of a UK tour, no big deal.”  
  
I raise my eyebrows and he chuckles, giving an easy grin before strolling through those big open doors to the chorus of cheers and greetings. I twist the ring around my finger as I watch Lysander beam at his best friend and pull him into a hug, and my heart tightens in my chest. The last time we saw Castiel was the night of our engagement.   
  
We had said things to each other… things we shouldn’t have.  
  
 _I wonder how often he thinks of it…_  
  
Shaking my head to clear those thoughts, I rejoin the party, letting Lysander pull me into his arms and kiss me on the forehead.   
  
“Are you very cross with me?” I look up at him through thick lashes as he sways with me to the music. He glances around the barn. At all our friends. At the people who make our lives what they are.  
  
“No,” He says softly, reaching up to push a stray strand of hair behind my ear and then rest his hand under my chin, his thumb against my bottom lip. “On the contrary, it’s been a wonderful night. Thank you.”  
  
I smile against his lips as he kisses me. It’s peaceful, here on the farm. I tell myself I have everything I need here, everything I could ever possibly want.   
  
But when my eyes fall upon scarlet locks and sleeve tattoos, and I’m lost in the smell of whiskey and rain, I wonder when exactly… that turned into a lie. 


	4. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel POV

The morning sun blinds me as I step into the kitchen. I groan unhappily and raise an arm to ward it off.   
  
 _Why are there so many goddamn windows in this house?_  
  
When my eyes adjust to the light I take a few more steps, fighting against the thought of being awake so early. Usually it’s late to bed and late to rise for me. An impossible task here, with that damn rooster crowing outside the window at dawn.   
  
Candy stands in front of the sink, looking out over the fields through the large windows. Her arms are up to the elbows in dishwater. She has sunflowers on her dress, and I know, even without looking, how they’ll bring out the color of her eyes.  
  
“Good morning,” She says brightly, without turning. I try not to think about what it would it would feel like to hear those words everyday… to wake up to the sweet song of her voice.   
  
“Morning,” I say, struggling with the leather bracelet around my wrist. I’d had little sleep. Tormented by the thought of her under the same roof, and not in my bed.   
  
“Where’s Lys?” I ask, finally getting the knot around my wrist to stay put.   
  
“He’s out milking,” She gives me a small smile over her shoulder. “The work never stops. Not even for a hangover.”  
  
I stand behind her, squinting across the fields.  _Lysander? Milking cows? Now that’d be a sight…_  
  
“Do you want some help?” I offer lamely, not too sure what else to do. I need to head to the airport, have to get back to the tour. My ride is still a few minutes away, at least.   
  
She turns her head a fraction, the morning light reflecting off porcelain skin.  
  
“No, I’m almost done.”  
  
I watch her for a moment. Taking in the hair that falls down her back, her curves that I desperately want to put my hands on.  _That I always want to put my hands on._  
  
I’d met someone. Someone with long hair, that curls at the ends. Just like hers. When I’m fucking her in the darkness of my apartment, I let my mind trick me into thinking the moans and the whimpers are all hers. That I’m caressing her skin, and tasting her mouth, and making her scream my name.   
  
And afterwards, I feel like a bastard.  _Always._  
  
“Do you want breakfast?” She asks, pulling me from the darkness of my own mind.   
  
“No, I never eat it.”  
  
“That’s not good for you, Cas,” She tuts, and I laugh. God I wish she were mine. I’d do anything she asked of me.   
  
I’m thinking this very thing when I step behind her, my fingers lingering over the fabric of her dress on her waist. She tenses, pausing in her task, her skin warm to the touch. I can’t stop my fingers from running up her arms, and through her hair. Everything is softer then what I could have imagined.   
  
Something inside me turns savage, and my hand tightens in her long strands and her face is turned up towards me, her lips only a breath away. The dish she’s holding falls back into the sink with a thump, though we both ignore it.   
  
 _“Castiel…”  
_  
My name is a plea on her lips, and my mouth is begging to take it. She trembles when my nose grazes the skin of her neck and I inhale her. That scent that drives me crazy. I’ve never been able to guess what her perfume is, and somehow, I don’t want to know.   
  
My eyelids flitter closed, just for a moment. Just to remember this for only a second longer. Her stuttered breath and the warmth of her skin. I’ll be imagining it before long.   
  
 _God, my own thoughts make me sick._  
  
When I open my eyes, hers are closed. Her breath shallow and quick. I can’t forget what she said to me that night.  _I love you too, Cas_. I wonder if she’s struggling as much as I am.  
  
My fingertips trace her arms, running lower. Her hands grip the corner of the counter, and the sight of that ring on her finger brings me back down to earth. I take in a deep breath to steady myself.   
  
“I have a flight to catch,” I say, my voice a stuttering mess of emotion. “Will you tell Lys goodbye for me?”  
  
“I’ll drive you,” Her voice is a breath, and when I move away from her she turns to face me.   
  
“No. I’ve already called a cab.” I say, quite unable to look her in the eye. I pick my jacket up from the back of a chair, where I had left it last night, and take in a sharp inhale before I can look at her again.  
  
“Where will you be, this time?”  
  
She leans back against the counter, her hands gripping the wooden edge. She looks so beautifully disheveled that it hurts my heart. What I wouldn’t give to take her back to my room… to press her down between softly strewn sheets and do what my body is begging of me.   
  
“Back to London for a bit. And then Germany.”  
  
When she doesn’t say anything, I fumble with the bracelet around my wrist, feeling like the biggest ass all of a sudden.  
  
“I’ll call.”  
  
She gives me a sad smile. How many times have I made that promise, only to break it.  
  
This time though, I mean to keep it.   
  
She steps forward to pull me into a hug, though I hesitate for a moment before returning her embrace, knowing I don’t deserve to touch her the way I am.   
  
“Cas, thank you for coming,” She says into my ear, her breath soft and warm against my skin. “Truly.”  
  
And because I can’t help myself… because I’m a sadistic bastard with no regard for anything I do in life, my lips find hers. Her fingers, still wet, tangle themselves in my hair and as she let’s out the sweetest moan against my mouth I push her back against the counter, letting my jacket drop carelessly to the floor.   
  
She gasps as I bend to grasp her under the thighs, lifting and setting her on the counter in front of me, and my mind is lost. Utterly absent in space and time.   
  
She clasps her ankles behind me, and my fingertips trail over her legs, under her dress, committing the feeling of satin skin to memory. Her mouth is hot against mine and my tongue selfishly claims it.  
  
She tastes like raspberries and cream and I know,  _I know_ … I’m damned to hell anyway, might as well make the most of it.  
  
My hands are under her curved ass, pulling her hips tighter against me. My fingers dig into her skin, hard enough to leave marks. I can’t get enough. I want to take her right here and now, face to face, where I can marvel over those bright eyes and perfect lips in the dewy morning light.  
  
But I know I have to stop. She’s not mine. She never will be.    
  
Reluctantly, I pull back from her, shutting my eyes tight. Knowing there’s no point in taking her down with me.  
  
“What is this?” I whisper the question against her lips. Those perfect, rosy lips. I don’t dare look at her, for fear I’ll fall again.   
  
“I don’t know.” She says, and when I finally open my eyes her own are glistening. She’s just as torn as I am, and it tears my heart in two.    
  
I pull myself away from her before I can do any other stupid thing, though the damage is already done. Scooping my jacket up off the floor I run right through the front door, escaping the scene I’ve left behind me.   
  
I won’t come back to this place.  _I can’_ t. Even if it means never seeing her face again, that’s the sacrifice I make. Luckily the cab pulls up just in time and I slide into the backseat, slamming the door, not sparing even a glance behind me.   
  
I thought I could keep my feelings for her locked away, for both her sake, and Lysanders, but I’ve more then proved that I’m incapable of that. I’m a failure of a friend, to both of them, and for that…   
  
I’ll never return.   
  



	5. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lysander POV

**Lysander POV**

The windows to the kitchen are one of my favorite things in the house. Large enough that the morning light reaches every darkened corner, every crack and crevice.   
  
More than enough light to keep dark thoughts and dreams at bay.   
  
She’s perched on the counter, her long hair tumbling down her back and the straps of her sunflower dress falling down over her shoulders, where morning sun dances over her skin in that way I love.   
  
It takes half a second for me to realize that she’s not alone. Castiel is pressed against her, his fingers tangled through her hair as his mouth moves hot and heavy against hers. I stop in my tracks, a wrinkle dipping my forehead and my heart thumping in my chest.   
  
Rainbow lights dance on the window pane, the reflection obscuring dark hair and porcelain skin, and still I don’t move.   
  
I can’t even say I’m surprised.   
  
If it were anyone else, my heart would be shattered to a thousand pieces. But somehow, this feels different. It feels… right.   
  
I’d always known their feelings for each other. Always saw the light in her eyes when he made her laugh, the longing in his when she smiled at me, instead of him. I’ve never made it known to them. I didn’t know how to. Perhaps I should have.   
  
I don’t blame Castiel. Anyone who knew her and didn’t love her would be a fool. She’s beautiful. Her kindness and grace leave a mark on all who meet her.   
  
And I can’t blame Candy. He’s been my best friend all these long years, I’d be surprised if she didn’t love him. He’s magnetic. I’ve always had a certain admiration for his easy charm  
  
My best friend has always been restless. How strange it is that my girlfriend, my  _future wife_  even, is the only one who can bring him back down to earth. They’re chalk and cheese, the two of them. The raging fire-storm in love with a gentle, flowing stream.   
  
My eyes catch Castiel as he tears out the front door, down the steps and to the taxi that’s pulling into the driveway.   
  
I don’t call out to him. I can only imagine the way he’s feeling. He’s a good friend. He always has been. He’ll be beating himself up over this, I know it.   
  
 _Maybe next time I’ll tell him._  
  
Persuading my body to move again, I tramp up the steps of the front, wooden porch and into the kitchen.   
  
She’s facing those large, beautiful windows. Her head bowed and a golden aura cast by the morning sun outlining her small frame. She hasn’t noticed me. Too absorbed in her own thoughts.  
  
“Morning, sweetheart,” my voice comes out calmer than I feel, and she jumps a little at the sound. She turns towards me for the briefest of moments. More than enough time to catch the tears in her eyes, the red flush across her face.   
  
My heart churns at the sight and I remember a night not so long ago. One where I bent on my knee in front of her and promised to give her everything she could ever want.  
  
 _Everything._  
  
And I intend to keep that promise, for as long as I have the chance to.  
  
I’ve spent far too long contemplating my own happiness, I’ve hardly stopped to consider the two most important people in my life. Hardly had the time to play more than a side character as they fell in love right in front of me.  _Next time, I’ll tell them both._  
  
Their love is okay. 


End file.
